Before you discuss
Pick a time when neither of you is under pressure. Ideally not between errands or squeezed in before dinner. What you will review are insights tailored for you based on honest and sometimes vulnerable exercise responses, and those feelings deserve to be respected and not rushed.
One practical note
You may choose to review your results on your own first, or you may choose to spend the time reading and interpreting together. Either way, try to encourage a discussion where you both are able to share your perspectives, not only your reactions.
Start with what you recognize
Before you discuss gaps or opportunities, spend a few minutes addressing those things that resonate with you, feel most accurate about your dynamic, or help you put into words something that you hadn’t vocalized before.
Starting with this focus helps you establish that you both are aware of intricacies in your relationship and that you see each other clearly.
Different responses help you understand each other
These exercises are not a compatibility test, two people who sit at opposite ends of a dimension may very well have a completely healthy relationship dynamic. This depends on the extent to which each person in the relationship understands their own feelings as well as their partners, and approaches the relationship thoughtfully.
That’s the core of why we built Attune, not to point out differences but to point out opportunities to understand each other better.
So when you review a difference, be curious and focus on understanding your partner. “I hadn’t realized I leaned that way” opens a door for more conversation, but “I don’t really think that’s true” can close it.
The couples who do well with their differences are not the ones who have fewer. They are the ones who can see a difference clearly and work with it instead of around it.
Focused next steps
At the end of your discussion, focus on a small number of things that you can do individually or together. This doesn’t need to be an overhaul of your behaviors, just two or three realistic things.
Return to your results
You and your partner should not feel like you need to discuss everything in one sitting. You can step away from this conversation so long as you both agree to revisit again if and when the other person wants to. Some aspects of your results might even mean more or be easier to approach differently after you take individual time to consider them.
View these insights as the start of intentional growth both individually and together, not a one-and-done stop in your relationship journey.